My Story

On December 3rd 2017 at 06:24  Wren was brought in to the world, and at that moment OUR world stood still. Wren was stillborn.

Since then our world has done all kinds of things. Sometimes it is moving, sometimes too fast, sometimes it is too slow and sometimes it stops. It doesn’t do what it is meant to do anymore.

There was no warning, no alarm bells, nothing to prepare us for the news when we arrived at hospital that day, almost 9cm dilated and damned ready for this baby to arrive only to find that Wren was in fact, gone.

Gone…

After some commotion and several opinions, the announcement was made to us in a darkened room that they could not find a heartbeat. For a split second, every inch of my being was stunned right before the next contraction came, how could that even be right? No heartbeat? I am in labour?

40 + 4 weeks of waiting for this precise moment to come. I’m ready to give birth to my baby. I don’t want to give her back.

But that wasn’t my choice to make. My baby had to come and she was destined to go all at the same time.

Wren

6lb 4oz of the most beautiful, precious baby girl I will ever see, jet black hair and long eyelashes. Wren was everything I had ever imagined my baby would be and 100 times more. As the days pass by I long for those moments back that we spent with her, I wish we had taken more photographs and that I had held her for longer. Those hours were it. I won’t get to hold my baby again, to touch her soft skin and look at her little fingers and toes. The 40 photographs we took will have to last a lifetime. There won’t be any more.

I had no idea just how much I wanted Wren until that day, now I know she is all I ever wanted.

Time

In life you learn to deal with losses, and as you get older you find that time is the only thing that helps to heal the wounds. The pain of Wren’s passing has spread far wider than just to myself and to Wayne, our families have been wounded too in a way that I don’t even think time can heal. None of us will be the same again, but hopefully the pain will lessen. It sounds like a cliché to say that nothing can prepare you for this, but it really can’t.

It isn’t until you experience something yourself that you start realise just how many other people on this planet are going through the same thing, baby loss. A complete life changer.  I will strive to keep Wrens’ memory alive,  I hope that this blog will help me to process things, help to spread awareness and maybe even help other families to find a voice to speak about their own stories. To know that so many others have felt or will feel this pain is heartbreaking…

As the weeks are passing me by, the world is still turning and today at least it seems to be moving at a manageable speed.

 

13 thoughts on “My Story

  1. I am sure this must have been so hard to put into words, but it’s truly beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At times it is hard to put things down but it is also a release for me, thank you so much for reading 💜

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  2. You are brave beyond words. Much love x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so beautifully written. My heart breaks for you and the rest of the family Jenna, I hope one day the world moves at a sensible pace again for you and that the hurt eases a little.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read, we are slowly sticking the pieces back together 🌠

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This really is beautifully written Jenna and must of been so difficult to have put down on paper. It was so heartfelt I just can’t really begin to imagine how hard these 4 months have been for you, Wayne and your families. I’m so sorry and your in our thoughts and I hope time will be a healer for you all.

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    1. Thank you Dan, it amazes me that people take the time to read my blog and I really appreciate it, I know its not an easy read… We are getting through the days and taking strength from all the love and support surrounding us, thank you for your kind message xx

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  5. So beautifully written Jenna. My thoughts are often with you. So much love xx

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  6. This is one of the most heartfelt pieces of writing I have ever read, it’s left me in tears Jenna, I know the support u have around is second to none and u will take comfort in them, I’m so sorry for u guys xx

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  7. I am just so sorry xxx thank you for being brave and sharing with others so we can in some way understand..and also thank you for others that have lost a child and maybe couldn’t put it into words but your words have helped them xxxx all the best xxxx
    Emma
    XXXX

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so sorry you’re beautiful little girl could not stay with you on earth, sending love and strength to you and your family xx

    Like

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