And just like that, a year like no other we’ve experienced has passed and your first birthday is upon us… a year full of long days and sleepless nights for all the wrong reasons. A year that I can’t really believe we have lived through.
Growing a baby and grieving for a baby all at the same time is overwhelming, trying to stay positive and give a new life all the love we can whilst still feeling the heartache we’ve been left with is hard, painful, like a physical and mental game of tug of war
I have found it hard to write lately, so much going on in my head, the knowing your birthday was coming and the worry about how it would make me feel. The truth is I feel sick, so much can happen in a year and HAS happened this year and yet the stages of healing and grief just don’t seem to happen as fast as everything else. I still cannot believe how you came and went from our lives so unexpectedly.
How you have shaped the way that your dad and I have become as people, different people to the ones who were rushing to hospital to meet you one year ago. Different people to the ones who should be baking a cake to your grandma’s recipe and putting a single candle on top to celebrate today…
We might not be celebrating but today is no doubt all about you, our beautiful baby girl. Every day we dream of what might have been.
We miss you ❤️